Appropriate Attire
Vol. 11 No. 16, Jan. 3 – Jan. 9 2002
Dress To Impress
by Mistress MatisseI was approached recently by a man who had a favor to ask: He wanted me to "get him in" to one of the nightclubs in town that draws the fetish crowd. He'd tried to go, he explained, but they would not admit him.
"Were you dressed like that?" I asked.
"Um... yeah."
"Well, no wonder they wouldn't let you into a fetish club, you look like an ad for L.L. Bean."
"I just want to be comfortable, and wear clothes I like," he whined. "Just because I'm not wearing black leather doesn't mean I'm not interested in, you know, domination."
"Let me guess," I said. "You went to this club alone, because you wanted to meet a kinky woman?"
He nodded.
"And what is the first thing you notice about someone when you meet them in a club?"
Silence.
"What they look like?" he said.
"Correct. And you don't look like a sincere and honest pervert. You look like a clueless wanker who's wandered in to leer at the freak show. I would throw lit matches at you if you came near me in a club. If you're trying to meet women/men at fetish bars, for Christ's sake, get some black clothes."
This seemed to be a lot of new information for the gentleman to digest all at once, and he went away. But I have had this conversation with guys (gay and straight) more than once. Boys, face facts: There are a lot of men actively seeking kinky female or male partners. The odds of an unknown single guy connecting with a man or a woman in a fetish club are astronomical, but if you insist on trying, then play the game, and look the part. A kinky woman in a Catherine Coatney dress is not going to be impressed by a guy wearing a pastel button-down and khakis. Likewise a man dressed in full leather is not going to be impressed with a guy wearing a button-down shirt and khakis — you probably won't even get a second look from the leatherman. At the very least, buy some Levi 501s and a plain black t-shirt and some black boots and do the James Dean thing. Demonstrating to a man or a woman that you went to an effort to look good — by definition of "good" — will improve your odds considerably.
Mistress Matisse
The Stranger