Bondage Introduction
Bondage can be a really amazing thing. Most of us are used to our freedom and when it's taken away, all kinds of things happen. Suddenly, we're at someone else's mercy (if the bondage is real). If you trust that someone else (the Master/Top), it can be quite a rush! The bottom/submissive is also relieved of a lot of responsibility — he's not in a position to make many decisions. The result is often a whole new experience which opens new doors.
Some like to get tied up because they enjoy giving up control and it's a great way to submit to someone else. Others might crave intensity and bondage is the foundation for other, more intense kinds of play (i.e. tickling, prolonged arousal or BDSM). Say a guy finds tickling erotic. He can be taken much further if he's unable to get away or defend himself while in bondage.
Bondage is also, frankly, a way to spice up an otherwise boring sex life. It's something different like going skydiving instead of watching television. It's generally not something you're going to do more than a couple of times a week.
For many guys, the knowledge that they are helpless, that someone else can do things with their body and they can't prevent them, is a powerful turn-on. "I'm going to make you come and there's nothing you can do about it." It's a very strong statement of trust to let someone bind you helplessly, or even non-helplessly. How erotic, to feel yourself spread open, wanton and wet, and to see your lover kneeling between your legs, ready to use you for his pleasure — or to pleasure you unendurably.
For others, the simple sensation of bondage feels good. Tight constriction can create very intense stimulation, and lots of tight bondage can be a sensory trip, just as a whipping or flogging scene can be. Bondage can feel comforting and pleasantly confining — you don't need to worry about anything, since what can you do?
For yet others, it's a charge to struggle, to let your body lose control. It can really intensify an orgasm when you come with every muscle straining against your bonds, trying to get your hands free to smash your lover's face into your crotch, your body shaking. If you weren't tied down you'd hurt yourself!
For many, it's all three of these reasons.
A Simple Bondage Example
Start naked, then add
Cock & Ball sheath
Chaps
Leather Straightjacket
Finish with a head harness with blindfold & gag
Then let him enjoy his bondage
Anyway, there are a bunch of common-sense things to know about if you want to get into bondage. Most of these are pretty obvious!
Rule #1 is always think about what you are doing and the ramifications before you do it!
For Tops:
Be competent, confident and decisive about what you are doing. Be familiar with your tools and technique. Of course there will be occasions when you are using something for the first time on someone else but try to keep the number of new things you introduce to a minimum and do as much as you can to familiarize yourself with the technique or item first. Fumbling too much with bondage is boring and isn't going to inspire confidence in you. Be aware of what you want to achieve and avoid unintended effects. Make sure things aren't pinching where they're not supposed to, for example. Think about what you are doing in the context of the whole scene. If the kind of bondage you use prevents a certain activity you may want to engage in later on, you'll either have to avoid that activity or interrupt the scene to remove or modify the bondage. Use only as much bondage as is necessary in the particular scene. Don't waste time and energy doing things that aren't appreciated. Make sure you know how to remove the bondage before you put it on. This isn't only important for safety but also helps the smooth running of the scene. Make sure the bondage is strong and secure enough for the job in hand, even if safety doesn't depend on it — bondage breaking or coming undone in the middle of a scene is one of the most irritating distractions!
Make sure your bottom's extremities don't start getting cold or turning blue; those are both sure signs that blood isn't flowing the way it ought to, and that isn't what you want to have happen. If your bottom's hands are bound inside mittens or some other place that's not accessible to you, ask them to wiggle their fingers or toes or whatever and see if they're losing any feeling. It can be tricky to tie someone up without making it too tight; in general, a good rule is to tie loosely with lots of turns of rope. You can tighten such a tie with just another turn around all the rest, and it can be a real drag to have a bottom's foot fall asleep in the middle of a scene; this kind of thing can feel very annoying and distracting, and can make it hard for your bottom to concentrate on what you are making them feel. Silk scarves, bandannas, etc. also have this problem with tightening under tension; sometimes they get so tight they have to be cut off.
And for bottoms:
Be especially clear about the kind of bondage you want and expect, and honest about how much you struggle and attempt to escape and how much you want that to be prevented. Remember it's not always easy for tops to know how the bondage feels, and don't be afraid to alert them to potential problems, such as pinched skin or unexpected discomfort, as soon as you notice them: if that chafing buckle is irritating you now, don't kid yourself it will get better, because the opposite is more likely to be true, and interrupting the scene at a later stage will be much more frustrating for both of you.
If you're a novice, you may want to avoid these hassles by purchasing a pair of basic ankle and wrist cuffs (in leather, Velcro, or whatever) at an adult toy store; and if you get embarrassed, remember the old standby excuse: "It's a gag wedding gift!" Handcuffs are sexy, but they can also be a pain. Shoddy cuffs (the kind you buy at the sporting goods store) are liable to break while being worn — then you have to file them off. If you want to play with handcuffs, get a good quality pair; the usual brand is Peerless, and they'll cost about $70, with a double lock so you can snap them on and then lock them so they won't get tighter under pressure (as cheap cuffs will). Handcuffs are also bare metal, and aren't good to struggle against, as they can easily pinch nerves...padded, buckling bondage cuffs are better for those sorts of games.
Do not leave a bound person alone. Though it is a hot fantasy to tie someone up in some precarious position (possibly with vibrators or other devices buzzing away) and leave them to stew, in reality you must consider: what if the house is burglarized? Catches on fire? Earthquake? Any sort of emergency? Fun is fun, but a helpless person is just that — helpless. A willing partner is too precious to take risks with.
Be very careful about tying anything around the neck; anything that puts any pressure AT ALL on the front of the neck can lead to unconsciousness quickly, as the carotid arteries go right to the brain. Likewise be careful with gags or things tied in the mouth; as well as restricting breathing, they can trigger a gag reflex, which could be really nasty if the bottom can't get the gag out.
Also, be aware that if someone is standing for any length of time in any sort of tight bondage, it can lead to less circulation to their head; if you suddenly do something intense to that person, it may trigger a head rush which could easily result in a faint. Always use hooks which can be released instantly even with the bottom's full weight on them (these are sometimes called "panic snaps" and can be found in good hardware stores), and keep a pair of bandage scissors or knife handy in case ropes or straps need to be cut loose.
Be careful what you tie your bottom to; if an exposed water pipe is handy, be aware it may heat up. Likewise with candles; be careful when you're waving flame around someone who's bound, as they can't flinch the way unbound guys can. If you don't have anything handy to tie someone to, you can always tie their wrists behind their back and then to their waist. Or if your bed doesn't have any posts, you can wrap ropes around the legs of the bed and spread-eagle your bottom that way.
In general, there are a million ways to tie someone up, and a little practice on your bottom, or on yourself, will let you improvise in almost any situation.
Remember, the object is for both partners to have fun and enjoy!
For more information, try Rope Bondage: Precision and Persuasion with Rope by Scott Smith (includes 70-minute demonstration DVD). For all the bondage gear you could need, check out:
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