The Master
Traits That Make A Successful Master
Not all Masters will have all of the following traits. However, these traits do reflect what is within a true and successful Master. (This list should not be considered all inclusive.)
Acceptance: Acceptance of self worth, what is within yourself, what your needs and desires are. Acceptance of your limitations and those of the slave that is in your charge. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are, including their shortcomings, and especially to accept your own shortcomings. Accepting what being a Master is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within, but happy in ones own mindset.
Communication: This is the ability to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an absolute necessity within a Master/slave relationship. A Master should have the skills to communicate his needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits, or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the Master. Once communication is open, it should remain that way — provided the Master does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate, is to endanger yourself and your slave physically and emotionally.
Compassion: The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your slave's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of issues within reality that can, and do, affect a slave physically, emotionally, and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your slave from serving to the best of his abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your slave, supporting him during times of stress, shows that you are truly a well-rounded Master. One who realizes that a Master and a slave are people too. Without compassion you are not a Master, only a sadist.
Courtesy: Courtesy is the ability to show proper manners — pleases and thank yous. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A Master should always show courtesy to his slave and other slaves around him. Just because you are a Master does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This also includes courtesy to your peers.
Grace: Elegance in the manner a Master presents himself is an important and desirable personality trait that many slaves say they prefer. The way a Master carries himself, his style of play, no matter how graphic, should still flow with style and grace. His actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted, or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, then the Master should be willing to learn and grow in this area.
Dominance: This is the most important trait in a Master. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well-being.
Honesty: Honesty is the ability to speak up, to be open and truthful about what you say. A Master doesn't hide his emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas, thoughts, etc. A Master doesn't tell his slave what he thinks the slave wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And, without trust there is no true relationship. A successful Master is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when he speaks. Most importantly, a Master is honest about his level of experience — to lie is to endanger the very life of his slave.
Humility: Humility is the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a Master. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. A successful Master knows he will make mistakes, that he is not perfect. A successful Master is always open to learning new things, gaining new experiences, and he does not harbor a "I know it all attitude". This brings into play "bullying". Bullying is using your status as a Master to push around your slave without any thought for his well-being. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A Master who consistently bullies his slave will turn the slave away from him and lose the respect of his peers. Bullying shows lack of humility, and can also mask a poor sense of self-esteem or a possible abusive person using the "lifestyle" to hide his abusive nature.
Intelligence: Intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the "toys" inherent in the "lifestyle" before using them on another person. The willingness and ability to research an learn about BDSM itself. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of domination and submission, to learn him as the person that he is, his likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases his slave and to remember those things. The successful Master should take the time to know the physical as well as the psychological tools of domination, along with some basic psychological aspects of his slave. There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant Master trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity, intelligence, and skill.
Loyalty: This is a very important trait in a successful Master. It is the ability to uphold your personal honor and remain true to any agreement(s) between you and your slave. Fickleness is a very unattractive trait in a Master, and dangerous to the emotional well-being of the slave who serves him.
Patience A successful Master has patience. The ability to wait for things. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a slave to learn all the intricacies of serving you, and to have patience to teach your slave what you prefer.
Pride: Pride is the ability to know your capacities, and realize that you are not only a good person, but a good Master. Pride is the ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be closed minded to new ideas, nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults, or weaknesses, or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful thing. Arrogance, or false pride, can be deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the slave.
Respect: A successful Master will show respect at all times, until such time as the slave proves he is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful Master does not earn the respect of his peers or the slaves around him. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.
Self-Respect: A successful Master values himself, and respects his own limits. A bully does not thrill a slave. A solid sense of self-worth is a necessity for a successful Master. Lack of such can cause serious damage to the slave's psyche. This, however, does not mean you should act like you are the universe's gift to domination or BDSM.
Service: A successful Master serves his slave by and through his domination of him. By intelligently applying his dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of his slave, the successful Master mutually serves the slave. A successful Master remembers that without a slave, there is no such thing as a Master. To receive the submission of a slave is a precious gift. The successful Master will therefore cherish that gift, and do his best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to the exchange of power relationship.
Basic Guidelines For A Master
Be Patient: Until you enter into a contract with your slave, you have no more right to order him around than does anyone else. Give your slave time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness, or lack thereof, that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the dungeon or playroom.
Be Humble: You maybe God's gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are — and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a BDSM scene.
Be Open: Although the Master is classically to be the teacher in BDSM, you can always learn from your slave, no matter how inexperienced he may be. Be willing to learn from other Masters who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach the "familiar" with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has his own personal style.
Communicate: You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, health information, etc. Engaging in BDSM without this knowledge is like playing Russian Roulette. Talk about your head-space and your view of BDSM with your slave, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before a scene starts. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and conditions. Do not take for granted that your slave instinctively knows the ground rules.
Be Honest: If you lack experience in an area that your slave would like experiment with, be honest about it. Your slave has the right to know that! Be honest with yourself and take your slave only to those levels at which you are completely competent in. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how "hot" a particular scene is.
Be Sensitive: There is a very fine line between a sensitive, caring Master and a self-righteous, insensitive, overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of your needs, desires and fantasies and your slave's needs, desires and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your slave is serving you, what actually is happening is that the Master and slave are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your slave and never violate, or even threaten to violate, that trust. His submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
Be Realistic: End the scene with the slave wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, not just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy and what is "real-world". Your favorite porno may be stimulating, but don't try to imitate them to the last detail — it never works out right.
Be Healthy: BDSM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants — both active/dominant and passive/submissive — be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affects your response and endurance during a scene. Don't attempt to do BDSM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a Master, you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of "drugs and alcohol don't affect me that much...I can do it anyway" violates your slave's trust in you and can be dangerous to both you and your slave. If you don't want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!
Have Fun! After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative BDSM play.